Parenting &... More Self-Care

Let’s talk some more about self-care!

I wrote a blog a few months ago about self-care: what it is (and isn’t), what it’s useful for (and not), and some of my best tips surrounding it. And now, as we are in the midst of ending a school year and starting our new summer rhythms, I want to revisit the topic. 

Let's Be Honest

Because honestly…

• when teacher gifts, class parties, field days, and summer scheduling pile up, 

• along with the never-ending tasks of laundry, meal prep, cleaning the house, and cutting the grass, 

• and THEN you have a family birthday or potty training or moving your toddler out of their crib in the midst of everything… 

Who in the WORLD has time for self-care??

I think that self-care (along with New Year’s Resolutions) can often fall by the wayside during busy times. We have every intention of doing the thing: reading the book or taking the hike or eating the healthy food. We have such good plans because we know that if we can do the thing, we actually will feel better. 

But sometimes things get in the way. Life gets busy, and our plans don’t work out. 

And so my questions are these: Why do we fail at self-care? and What do we do when we fail at self-care? 

Let's Refocus

I think sometimes we fail at self-care because we forget the point of it. We let the logistics of life blend into the logistics of getting a break from life, and pretty soon this self-care activity has become one more thing on the never-ending list of things to get done. And you know what? It’s one of the things on the list that is easier to take off, so we end up pushing it to the side. 

So how do we remind ourselves of why we need self-care? How do we remember the whole point of why this scheduled time and activity is so important? 

I think we have to refocus. We have to look at ourselves. We have to not just look at the life schedule, but at how we are responding to the life schedule. At the class party - am I grateful to be sharing this crazy cupcake fest with my kid, or am I stressed and irritable the whole time? While planning the summer vacation - am I excited about making memories with my family, or am I trying to pick a fight with my spouse about work schedules? 

I’m not asking these questions to shame anyone. I’m asking to help us be honest with ourselves. Where are we really in the midst of all the chaos? Are we okay and feel grounded and solid? Or are we really struggling? 

If you’re struggling, I think that leads us to the next question: What do we do when we fail at self-care? 

Let's Be Kind

I think there are two big things we can do when we fail. 

1) Have Flexibility in your plans. 

Self-care is designed to be something that brings us rest and rejuvenation. That will not be the same thing each day or week! Some days you need the intense work-out in the gym or on the bike path. Other times you will need the nap, the book, or eating ice cream in the closet. My point is that whatever kind of care you need, it’s okay.  

And the biggest thing we do… 

2) Have Grace on yourself. 

You are not perfect, and never will be. You are also not the only one struggling with this.

Be kind to yourself - you are doing the best you can! Let’s have grace on ourselves, and let that pour out onto the people around us that we love so much.

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Book a session with Dr. Harris

Book a session with Laura Harris

Laura Harris is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who works in the Northwest Arkansas area, servicing Bentonville, Rogers, and Springdale. With over 10 years of experience, she's worked in various fields from in-home parenting counseling, to kids, to supervision of other therapists. Currently her specialty is supporting new parents, especially mothers.