Parenting &... Crazy Loyalty
- lauraharris
- May 7
- 3 min read
Updated: May 12
My 5 year old loves to read fact books and got one from the library about predators. He told me a story last week and I’ve had nightmares ever since:
“Spiders are predators, but they also have predators that hunt and attack them. One of these predators is called the Tarantula Hawk Wasp. He doesn’t actually eat the tarantula. He invades the spider’s home and paralyzes the spider so it can’t eat or move. Then the wasp lays his egg on top of the spider, blocks the entrance to the spider’s burrow, and leaves. Nothing can get in or out. The tarantula stays there until the wasp egg hatches, at which point the baby wasp then eats the spider while it’s still alive.”
I was HORRIFIED. That’s an awful story (and also a lot to take in at 6:30am). I told my 5 year old how scary that was to me.
And his response was
“But Mom, how else is the baby wasp supposed to survive?”
Which brings us to parenting.
"Insane people are always sure that they're just fine..."
We all do crazy things for our kids. We lay awake at night with their feet in our face, because we let them sleep in our bed (again). We spend up to 6 hours in the car, taking them to school, appointments, and activities. We spend shocking amounts of money for that hobby that they just LOVE. We fight daily painful battles trying to get them to brush their teeth.
When we look at our own decisions, they make sense to us. Every parent is different, every kid is different, and parenting them looks different than we thought it would. So when we are doing things that seem crazy, there is actually a reasoning behind it. The decisions we make about our kids are grounded in love and loyalty and dedication.
Those things make sense to us, and often look insane to others.
And all the while, other parents are doing crazy things for their kids.
That parent is sticking their finger INTO the diaper to check for poop. That parent follows their kid around on the playground everywhere they go. That parent turns a spoon into a very loud train (in a public restaurant) trying to get their kid to eat something.
They look like insane decisions to us, but make total sense to that parent.
I will confess that I have looked at other parents and their decisions and have passed judgment on them. I don’t think I’m alone in that - we all have done that in some way. Sometimes we disagree with their premise. Sometimes their decisions just rub us the wrong way. Sometimes their decisions affect us and our kids in ways that we don’t like. Whatever the scenario, we often look at others with judgement, condescension, and annoyance.
But what if we did something different? What if we remembered that no matter what insanity we see in front of us, we are actually looking at someone a lot like us - a parent doing the best they can out of crazy loyalty to their kids?
What if we chose to extend understanding and grace to them instead?
"...It's only the sane people who are willing to admit they're crazy." - Nora Ephron
We don’t have the complete picture of anyone else’s life; we don’t know the details of their story, and we don’t know the details of their kids. Even if we did, we may not agree with their decisions. But honestly, that doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is how we respond to them when they cross our paths.
So the next time that minivan cuts you off in traffic, try and ask yourself this - What if we all responded with grace and compassion to all those other crazy parents out there? You know, the ones just trying to do their best with their kids? Because how else is the baby wasp supposed to eat?
We are all making decisions for our families that are grounded in love and in crazy loyalty.
Because let’s be honest - We’re parents, which means we’re all more than a little crazy.
Laura Harris is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who works in the Northwest Arkansas area, servicing Bentonville, Rogers, and Springdale. With over 10 years of experience, she's worked in various fields from in-home parenting counseling, to kids, to supervision of other therapists. Currently her specialty is supporting new parents, especially mothers.
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