Parenting &... Perfection
- lauraharris
- Apr 21
- 3 min read
I have a confession to make: I am a bit of a perfectionist. I like to do things right, and I like even better to do things perfectly. And I don’t think I’m alone in this.
Our culture is fairly obsessed with success and perfection. We only have to look as far as our social media accounts to see everyone posting picture perfect lives. This house is immaculate, this vacation was amazing, this party was flawless, this job is the best, this family is beautiful…
But if we are honest with ourselves, our lives are not perfect and never will be. We are not perfect people, and we bring our own imperfection into our lives and relationships. We can often feel discouraged about our own growth, or lack of it. It can feel like we struggle with the same things over and over, that we fight the same battles again and again, and never really feel like we are winning.
Which brings us to parenting.
I Can't Be Perfect...
Having kids intensifies all of this. It’s one of the really hard things about being a parent. Your children will highlight all the places in you that are broken and flawed. We try to respond more patiently, and they push our buttons harder. We try to set more appropriate boundaries, and they test every limit.
It’s exhausting and honestly can feel really discouraging. We want to be good parents, and we want to do the best we can for our kids, and we sometimes don’t know how. We know we need to grow and change, to be better, but sometimes it feels like it’s not happening.
I was talking with a friend this weekend about growth and development. We’re reading a book together and it was talking about the “process of being perfected”.
To my perfectionist mind that sounds simultaneously wonderful and unattainable. I would love to be better, I would love to be perfect; I also instinctively know that it’s never going to happen. And so it was very encouraging, as we talked, to learn that the process of being perfected is not the process of becoming perfect.
We are not perfect.
We will never be perfect.
This is not an option.
Never has been.
Never will be.
...But I Can Be Perfected.
But being perfected IS an option. In our book, the process of being perfected is described not as an accomplishment or never making a mistake. It is compared to the process of a flower growing into its full form of completion and maturity.
Which is honestly just beautiful.
Flowers need certain things to grow. They need space, light, nourishment, and time. And then the growth just happens. The flower doesn’t make itself grow. It doesn’t determine the amount it will grow each day, or the precise way that its petals will look. It just accepts that it is a flower, designed to grow into its full, complete, perfect form at just the right time.
So right now I’m going to make a claim for all parents - we as well need certain things to grow. We need nourishment and light, we definitely need space, and we need time.
We can’t make it happen. We don’t determine how quickly we become better versions of ourselves, or how we will precisely look at the end of all this. All we can do is accept that we are parents, designed to learn and grow and change through this process of parenting. We can try to make sure we have the things we need to grow. We can have hope that at the end of all this, we will have become better versions of ourselves than when we started out.
So be patient with your kids, have grace on yourself, and know that you are not on this journey alone and you are not on this journey in vain.
Laura Harris is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who works in the Northwest Arkansas area, servicing Bentonville, Rogers, and Springdale. With over 10 years of experience, she's worked in various fields from in-home parenting counseling, to kids, to supervision of other therapists. Currently her specialty is supporting new parents, especially mothers.
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