Parenting &... Shoveling Snow
- lauraharris
- Feb 3
- 3 min read
Updated: Feb 4
Earlier this week I shoveled the snow off my driveway and sidewalk. It was honestly kind of fun. My family and I have been sick, so I hadn’t been outside most of our snow days and it was really good to get some fresh air and sunshine. My three year old came out with me with his tiny shovel and “helped”, which was adorable. It felt good to move and do something physical after days of hibernating.
It was also a complete waste of time.
The snow was all frozen at the bottom level. We had driven over it and packed it in really solid. It was really hard to shovel. It took me an hour and I didn’t finish. The snow honestly wasn’t really in the way. And most importantly - the sun was going to melt it in two days with absolutely no effort or energy on my part!
So why in the world was I out there for over an hour? Now I have a sore back and shoulders. My feet hurt. My hands have several blisters all over them. Literally, as I was shoveling, I kept thinking “I could be doing something else that is actually much more important.”
The snow would have melted on its own, it didn’t need my attention. But you know what didn’t get done during that hour? Organizing my documents to file taxes. You know - the task that actually needs my effort, has a time limit, and holds several financial repercussions.
I often find myself stuck in the same place while parenting.
Stuck in the Distractions
Sometimes it feels good to shovel snow. We get to be busy, see our progress, and feel like we’re being productive. I love organizing a playroom and getting Valentines for the class parties. But honestly, it really is just a distraction sometimes. We get stuck in doing something, and instead of stepping back and reevaluating, we stubbornly keep at it until we’ve got blisters on our hands, tears in our eyes, and nothing really to show for it.
Parenting is hard. And I honestly think one of the hardest things about parenting is being willing to admit that what you’re doing at that moment is not the most important thing. It’s a distraction from the actual most important thing that you don’t want to deal with. The thing you want to do versus the thing you don’t want to do - One arena is straight-forward and clear, and the other is fraught with questions, doubts, uncertainties, and fears.
What Are We Avoiding?
So what are we avoiding? It could be a lot of things. Maybe it’s that hard conversation with your mother-in-law about how she talks to your children. Maybe it’s changing the negative energy you have at dinner when your kid is picky. Maybe it’s engaging with your hurt and confused child about the friendship problems that they are facing.
We often avoid the thing that we are afraid to confront. As humans, we like to feel in control and competent. As parents, we often feel inadequate, uncertain, and unequal to the task.
The stakes also feel really high. It’s scary to think that “if I don’t get this right, then my kid suffers”. But the truth is that your child and your family don't need you to have everything figured out - they need you to show up and do your best.
Humility in Parenting
There is so much humility required in parenting. I’ve never parented a 7-almost-8-year-old before. It takes a lot of humility to admit that I don’t know the best way to do this. It takes a lot of humility to say “I don’t know”.
And that’s okay. We’re not supposed to know exactly the right thing to do. How could we possibly know? What we’re called to do is show up and try.
We won’t do it perfectly. There is not an option to do it perfectly. Our job is to simply stop shoveling the snow that’s not really a problem, try to show up with our kids, and to give ourselves (and them) a lot of grace in the process.
Laura Harris is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who works in the Northwest Arkansas area, servicing Bentonville, Rogers, and Springdale. With over 10 years of experience, she's worked in various fields from in-home parenting counseling, to kids, to supervision of other therapists. Currently her specialty is supporting new parents, especially mothers.
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