Parenting &... Braveheart
- lauraharris
- Jan 15
- 3 min read
Updated: 3 days ago
Over the holidays, I saw bits and pieces of one of my ultimate favorite movies. The 90’s classic, the notoriously gory, the tragic story of true love, sacrifice, and the pursuit of freedom. Yes, you’ve guessed it - Braveheart. It’s been my favorite movie since I was probably 10 (now as a parent of a 7 year old I question the decision to let a 10 year old watch that movie, but that’s a different topic).
For those of you too young to know, Braveheart is a haunting story about a man fighting for freedom for his country. William Wallace is a Scotsman fighting to free Scotland from British rule. It’s a LONG movie (like, it was 2 VHS tapes, y’all!), full of violence and beautiful music and loss and so much pain.
But what I always remember about this movie, years later, is the depth of feeling that it evoked in me - a deep longing to be a part of a story like this. I am still in awe at what profound courage it took for this man and his people to fight, and keep fighting, and keep fighting until the end. And I am still in awe of what profound love it took for this man and his people to fight until the end.
There are several great quotes from the movie, but one of the most famous is this, as Wallace is comforting a friend in the face of tragedy:
“Every man dies, not every man really lives.”
And that, I believe, brings us to parenting.
The Struggle is Real
Parenting is hard. It is SO hard. There is nothing, no trick, no tip, no perfect system, nothing to make it not hard. And I honestly think one of the hardest things about parenting is remaining present through the struggles.
We live in a day and age where there are distractions galore. We have huge screens in our living rooms, podcasts in our ears, tablets for our kids, and tiny super computers in our pockets, all available for us to access day or night. And honestly - that’s okay. I’m not here to tell you that screens are evil and that you should throw everything out next trash day. I have screens in my house and pocket, and am currently using my screen on my desk.
I’m saying that screens, shows, podcasts, books, hobbies… fill in the blank…, as useful as they are, are also always ready to help us escape from all sorts of discomfort. And that is not always useful.
Because if we avoid the discomfort of parenting, if we run away from the pain, if we check out during the struggle, we will miss out on being a part of the beautiful story that we long for. We can miss out on becoming the person and parent that we deeply want to be.
Being Present in the Struggle
We long to be a part of a beautiful story, and we want our families to be that story. We want to create families full of love and hope and belonging. But the only way to create that story for ourselves is to remain present during the struggle.
But this takes real courage and real love. It’s hard, and it’s easier to distract ourselves from the pain. But to be a part of a beautiful story, we have to have the courage and the love to endure the struggle. Being people of deep courage and of deep love helps form us into people of deep endurance.
Really Living Your Life
“Not every man really lives.” This is a call to live your life intentionally, with courage and love and endurance.
On the screen, it looks like a beautiful and epic story, watching someone live life intentionally and courageously. It does not always look epic and beautiful to wade through the laundry, dirty dishes, uncertainty, sleep training, meal planning, family schedules, tantrums, doctors visits, power struggles, and finances that make up parenting. And yet in every struggle we have an opportunity to show up for those we love. We have the opportunity to really live.
We won’t do it perfectly. There is not an option to do it perfectly. But there are hundreds of small opportunities every day to be present and engage with your family.
It’s not easy. But it’s so worth it.
Be brave, dear heart. Be brave.
Laura Harris is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who works in the Northwest Arkansas area, servicing Bentonville, Rogers, and Springdale. With over 10 years of experience, she's worked in various fields from in-home parenting counseling, to kids, to supervision of other therapists. Currently her specialty is supporting new parents, especially mothers.
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