Parenting &... Bluey
I don’t know about you, but I love the show Bluey. It’s a delightful show, about 7 minutes long, about an animated little dog and her family. It will make your kids laugh and will make you, as a parent, cry. Sob. Bawl like a baby. Every time.
The dad (Dad) is so fun and playful and patient and the big buddy who is always up for another game. He is also always willing to stop his own activity and do what his kids want to do.
The mom (Mum) is always calm and compassionate and attentive. She is never overwhelmed or overstimulated, and is honestly pretty playful herself.
It’s one of my favorite kid shows, and I cry every episode because it highlights so much of the beauty that exists in being part of a family.
Expectations - How We Want to Be Great
And yet - the expectations are unrealistic. The standards are impossible. I walk away feeling both reminded to cherish my kids, and also feeling ashamed that I will never be the kind of parent that I really want to be. I will never live up to this standard of parenthood that we see and honestly love. I was talking with a friend of mine about it and she summed it up really well: “I’m tired of walking around feeling like I suck.”
I would love to be Mum. Or honestly Dad. I would love to have endless patience and creativity and create this magical world for my children to call their childhood.
And that is just the point - it’s magical. It’s not real. It’s not realistic.
Media - What They Tell Us is Great
When has the media ever given us messages that were realistic? Or standards that were attainable? I think I imagined that finally reaching adulthood I would outgrow those impossible standards of beauty or strength or success, those body image messages that impacted all of us as we grew up. And now I’m a full-grown adult, mom of three kids, and still struggling with the impossible standards that the media slips into our brains.
It’s honestly discouraging.
Reality - What is Actually Great
But maybe it doesn’t have to end there. Maybe by talking about it and really being honest with each other and with ourselves, we can realize that this picture of parenting that we are faced with is impossible. It’s a fantasy. I am never going to be a perfect parent, whatever definition falls under that for me. You are never going to be a perfect parent.
And you know what? That’s okay. We are not called to be perfect. That’s not real. We are called to be real. We are called to be people of substance. We are called to be present with our kids. And showing up for our kids means that we show up with our flaws. We show up with our stresses from work or traffic and we are not always patient. We show up with apologies and requests for grace. We show up by inviting them to help us with the dishes and laundry and knowing that it will take longer because of that. We show up by honestly being willing to take a little time for ourselves at some points.
We need to let go of the dream of being this perfect parent.
Because your kids don’t need perfection. They need you. And that is honestly really great.
Laura Harris is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who works in the Northwest Arkansas area, servicing Bentonville, Rogers, and Springdale. With over 10 years of experience, she's worked in various fields from in-home parenting counseling, to kids, to supervision of other therapists. Currently her specialty is supporting new parents, especially mothers.
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