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  • jocrharris

How to stop unwanted porn use? Get a coach.

For some guys porn is a compulsion, not a choice.


I often work with guys who want to stop looking at porn. There are various reasons their porn use bothers them. The biggest problem is that they can't stop.


Let me say it again - despite how much they want to, they can't stop.


Usually they've tried everything they can think of. They've delated Instagram. They've gotten a filter on their internet. They've been to Celebrate Recovery or some other sort of accountability program.


And every time they look at porn they feel guilt.


The worse part is they can't understand why they can't stop.


To regain control do these two things.


First, keep doing all the behavioral changes.


Keep using the filter, keep going to CR, don't redownload Instagram.


Second, address the underlying emotions.

This is hard to do. Usually the underlying emotions are completely hidden from these guys. The thing is your porn use is not random. The things you search for give us hints into the roots of the problem.


So here are the 5 best questions to help you get to the root of your porn use.

  1. When you search online for pornography, what do you search?

  2. After you look at porn how do you feel? What do you say to yourself?

  3. If your desire was anger, who are you angry at?

  4. If your desire was pain, who rejected you?

  5. Given your history, why are you attracted to these specific images? What about them draws you?

The more you answer these questions the more you'll be able to get clarity on why you can't stop.


How?


For example, I heard of a guy who would search for pictures of younger women. He liked the idea of them looking up to him. Turns out he didn't feel admired and respected in his life. His porn use wasn't random. It was fulfilling a need. So in order to regain control, he needs to deal with the feelings of being disrespected.


So take these questions and journal about them, process them in your accountability group, do what ever you need to take back control of your life.


If you need more help, get a coach.


And if you need to get a therapist.


I know a lot of guys are hesitant to see a therapist.


I get it.


I just want to ask you a questions? Have you ever gone to the next level without a coach?


I ran track in high school. Every day after school I walked over to the track and my coach would have drills and a work out designed to help us get to the next level.


Then, when I became a therapist, I was really nervous. I was 23 and was supposed to help clients will all sorts of problems. Luckily I had a supervisor who guided me for 2 years.


Then, about a two years ago my career was stalling. I was stuck with no way to get ahead. Then a guy reached out and mentored me for the next year. It was hands down the best experience and was rocket fuel for my career.


Each time to get to the next level I needed a coach. That's all therapy is.

So if you want to reach reclaim control of your behavior and take your life to the next level, reach out.






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